As much as I prayed and prepared for the rude and sometimes just curious questions regarding our now obvious adopting family, I was caught off guard recently. Don’t worry I prayed before I decided to blog about this matter too!
It was a nice day to take the kids out grocery hauling and before I could purchase my delightfully yummy groceries It happened. For those in the adopting community you just moved in closer to the computer, I can feel it! Yes, because you too have been there. As a famous pastor now serving in Zambia once said, “ Well, you asked for it when you decided to adopt so you better be prepared!” Yes, it happened in the ever so articulate fashion I was questioned about the cost, fertility between my husband and I as well as the famous, “ why did you get a girl instead of a boy?” as well as, “ so, what is wrong with them?” Lets not leave out, “ Do you have any real children? “ … “ wow they are so lucky!” Oh and the kicker and most frequent., “ Are they brother and sister?”
Now, before you remind me that I asked for it, I will tell you… absolutely that you are correct. We did, Marcos and I totally did. Even Samuel knew it was coming and said YES to adoption and becoming an older brother! So in a sense he was prepared to be salt and light with all of God’s favor in each moment of heart breaking questions. In light of that I questioned even blogging about it but then I remembered something.
I had a friend named Clara ( changed name for a reason ) when I was little. She smelled funny. She really smelled kinda like cat pee. Her hair was often full of lice and she would spit when she spoke. Her double jointed frame and stained clothes made her the object of many jokes in 5th grade. I was not her friend by choice. My mother educated me on something about Clara’s life. She took me into her home and showed me what poverty in the USA looked like. I was changed and although I still struggled being a good and kind friend to Clara, I was no longer ignorant of her situation. I did not point out her differences and ask her rude questions. My mother taught me compassion. She taught me some hard lessons most parents duck away from. She taught me what not to say and why!
So, I guess I have some sense of expecting that from people when it comes to my kiddos. However, I realized maybe everyone needs my mom to teach them something. Maybe today I need to be like my mom and post so people can learn that questions can hurt kids and families no matter how much mom trusts Jesus to repair the damage.
So, please educate yourself on what to say to disabled people, adopted kids even people of low income. Curious questions and heart felt motives are way different then being plain Rude with my kids in earshot. It does not matter how old they are either.
As our culture goes, sometimes I think we just need to teach each other to simply not be rude. If people outside of our culture are the ones asking the questions I also feel as an American that we should educate them in the moment as well. After all, Love is not rude. I love my kids and correct them when they are rude.