Friday, June 15, 2012

Under the Microscope

      Agreeing with the Lord to rescue the Fatherless comes with a price. You must give every moment of your life to be examined by a well paid social worker. Now, don't let this come off as negative but it is a reality. Despite how wonderful, sweet and generous a social worker may be it is still not my favorite aspect of adoption. In fact for me its the hardest. I feel like a post placement report card is coming and I could pass or fail according to another person's perspective. While these feelings only prove my sinful nature and brightly reveal my need for a savior, they still exist. 

    It is quite a difficult experience for me since I am a very new Mom. I am always hoping and Praying God will fill in the gaps that I or my beloved husband may have missed and He does. Being a parent is a joy (Samuel is a Blessing and not difficult to love at all!) but when all the questions from an adoption come flying at you it is emotionally exhausting. 

     I remember waking up in the middle of the night and reading my Bible and the scripture was all about the temptation of Christ. I thought it was strange. Why would God pursue me with such a verse? Where does temptation play in this pending situation and why not a comforting verse or a scripture reminding me to be strong or confident for our post placement interview?

   Then today, I think I finally got it. Adoption is hard sometimes. It can be so hard that you want to give up! Or maybe never adopt again! It can consist of documents, peoples opinions of you and your spouse, huge financial commitment even after they get home (three years) and a whole lot of grace from God to not be selfish when you really think you deserve something more. Or worse..thinking you did enough of a good thing by adopting. The last one stirs my stomach a little as I confess again to have heard this before.

   But....whoever you are reading this...Don't give up. Don't lose the fight inside you to temptation of self. It is worth it. Every minute your report goes through and someone hears of a successful family through adoption...another country opens it doors, another family takes the leap of faith to adopt, another child is rescued from a life without love, another set of dreaming people become parents, another Samuel is free to love and be loved in return. 

God Bless your difficult moments and obstacles. When we are weak Christ is surely strong for us.

The night before we went to see Samuel after two years.

1 comment:

  1. My precious friend,
    Amen and amen to your words. What a wonderfully articulate picture of the struggle that adoption is--joys, fears, happiness beyond belief, irritation with the system, expense, an abiding sense of satisfaction... The list could go on and on. The sweetest reality, however, is that GOD IS WITH US *always*. Those of us who adopt get to experience this in a way that I'm not sure anyone else gets to in quite the same way. We need Him in a way that I'm not sure anyone else does in quite the same way. Children created in His image but betrayed by humanity are given over to our care, and there are NO furloughs for adoptive parents. Would I do it again despite how crazy hard it can be? You'd better believe it! My heart aches for the four siblings we're in the process of adding to our family. GOD IS WITH US *always*!
    With deep love for your family,